Stealthing: Sexual Privilege

WhosIts'N'WhatsIts

IDENTITY: Woman | ATTRACTION: Human with penis | EXPRESSION: Feminine | SEX: Human with vagina


Sexual assault has become a recreational sport for some men. These men initiate relationships for sexual encounters with the intent of removing their condom without their partner’s knowledge. Meme’s online reveal the more brazen the removal, the more respect they garner from their peers.

Stealthing is the act of damaging or removing a condom covertly during sexual relations without the consent of their partner.

The recent focus on stealthing has largely been in part to the recently published study ‘Rape-Adjacent’: Imaging Legal Responses to Nonconsensual Condom Removal by Alexandra Brodsky, of Yale Law, for the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law. The study is a spotlight on the long term trauma stealthing causes emotionally and physically.

The trend of sexual entitlement that was once predominantly in the gay community has crossed over into the straight community. For the men, this sense of privilege, comes with no personal responsibility. At most, it is seen as the equivalent of bad bedroom etiquette.

However, for the women, violated sexually, the consequences are dire and range from sexually transmitted diseases to unwanted pregnancy.

A more disturbing finding Brodsky described in her study were online forums where a populace of men is encouraging the stealthing of women. They believe it is their “right” to “spread their seed.” Their agenda is to impregnate women. Websites teach the basics of stealthing.  

The increasing number of calls about stealthing into crisis lines have counselors and legal communities up-in-arms. There is no legal precedent in the United States for this. And a court system that is not kind to sexual abuse victim’s must be challenged.

While researching, a site encouraged men to look for the “scared bunnies.” Women insecure with their bodies. They would be the ones easiest to deceive. Those likely would hide their bodies under covers, want the lights off, and leave the “sex” to the man.

As a sexually active woman, you are responsible for your own protection.

Carry condoms. Be comfortable putting on and taking off condoms. Research the Diva Cup or Flex as extra protection that cover your cervix. Use your voice. Make it clear that protection is a “deal-breaker” for the duration of your sexual experience.

Embolden yourself and find peace with your body. Knowledge is power. Educate yourself about safe sexuality and pleasure. Empower yourself. Don’t be anyone’s scared bunny.