Before I start, I should preface what I’m about say with a small confession—sex is not a priority for me.
My husband and I are like two ships, passing in the night. His job takes him away 4 out of 7 nights a week. I’m a stay at home mom so that means I work 24/7. I’m a night owl and he’s not, so when I’m finally wound down for the night, he’s been asleep for hours. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex and I enjoy having it with my husband. But I’m busy (like, really busy) 99.9% of the time and I just don’t have an hour to spare, at the drop of a hat, because—for the sake of all living things in my care—my life is scheduled down to the minute.
Plus, I’ve never felt like it’s my “wifely duty” to put out whenever he wants sex. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
So, I did with my marriage what I do with everything else in my life. I put it on a sex schedule. When I first suggested it, my husband looked at me like I was on drugs. He called me a hopeless romantic (A running joke with us because I’m, like, not.) and shook his head, his face full of skepticism. That changed when I offered to throw down two days a week. I pointed out that we were averaging three times a month and that my proposed schedule would boost sexy time by more than double our currently monthly average. I know what you’re thinking—your husband is right. You are a hopeless romantic. I admit, romance has never been my bag, but while I don’t believe it’s my job to be husband’s concubine, I do believe that marriages need sex to survive. So, a sex schedule seemed like a good compromise. He agreed to give it a try, still skeptical but intrigued by the promise of more sex. It’s been a six weeks now and while we’ve missed a few appointments, I can say that we’re both happier. I don’t feel guilty anymore because I’ve found a way to make him a priority and he’s happy because not only does he get sex on a regular basis, he also knows that his needs are important to me.
A sex schedule might not be for everyone but if you lead a busy (like, really busy) life, and you and your partner are having a hard time connecting, give it some thought. It just might be what your both need.