Growing up the Fat Girl
Ever since I was a young girl I have been overweight.
I hate seeing photos of me from when I was younger, I had no sense of style and did not know how to pose. I stuck my belly out for the world to see.
One photo I remember fondly, I was at a concert, it started to downpour. We tried to keep my cousin and her baby dry by holding a sheet over them. Of course, we had to take a photo to remember this moment. I am on one end holding the sheet with my hand on my hip sticking my belly out, it's awful. I hate that picture. I look fat and ugly. I think 'Hannah what was going through your head.' I can tell you, I was in eighth grade at a concert with my family having fun. I didn't care about my body in the moment, all I was focused on was the fact it was down pouring and my family and I were laughing, having fun while trying to keep dry.
Is Something Wrong With Me?
I used to think that there was something wrong with me because boys did not treat me like other girls. I used to think something was wrong with me because I did not make friends as easily as others. This ‘something wrong with me’ was my weight. This idea of not being worthy because of my weight caused hardship, pain, and unhealthy friendships. I remember one set of friends I had, they were toxic. But, I wanted and needed friends so badly that I handled it and was always saying sorry even when I did nothing wrong. I was unhappy, but I continued to take all the crap they put me through.
If I had known about the body positivity movement when I was in elementary school or even starting high school maybe I would have had an easier time.
I know that since finding the bopo movement a few months back it has changed me as a person for the better. It has made me more confident in myself physically and emotionally. I would not trade that for the world. I am completely unashamed of the body God has given me and I will no longer hide behind clothes. I will wear that bikini, I will that crop top, and I will rock it.